This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
