We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
