I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
