I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
You ruined the universe
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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