Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Randomize
