He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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