You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Randomize
