Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Randomize
