i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
At least make sure they are 18
Why
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
