I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
