mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
