Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
