Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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