I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
