Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
