The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
