even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
