i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
You did what with his pubic hair?
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