Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
