I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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