I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
