every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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