Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
She tied me up with her honor cords...
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
