Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
It was confusing and full of hummus
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
