Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
