Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
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