Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
