he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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