cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
