I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Hippo gnu deer
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
