we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
