Whod you bang
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
