Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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