My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
