So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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