nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Randomize
