so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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