i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Randomize