we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
