So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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