What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
