Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
4 words: hood of his car
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Even my vagina gasped.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize