take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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