He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I think I sprained my soul last night
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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