I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
