you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
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