You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Randomize