I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
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