You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
