Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
