I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
These tits shall not be calmed
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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