3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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