I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize
