Cold hands, warm shart.
Can Purell be used as lube?
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Randomize
