my soul wont recognize me after tonight
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
