Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
