Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
