Nicole vs. Life
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
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