I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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