Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
