My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
