do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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