things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
