I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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