When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
