Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
