Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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