i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
