I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
be right there i have to get my cape
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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