ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
