nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
