my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
