Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
