so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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