now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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